35 Hilarious Christmas Jokes to Tell at Your Next Christmas Party
Every Christmas party can use a little laughter. Help make your next holiday gathering more joyous and bright with a few of these fun jokes.
1) I can't get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.
2) How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
3) What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
4) Did you know that Santa’s not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
5) I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!
6) Why are Comet, Cupid, and Donner, and always wet? Because they are rain deer.
7) What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.
8) To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
9) I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace" So I bought her nothing.
10) What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? St. O'Claus!
11) The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
12) What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
13) Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph
14) What's the most popular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful.
15) What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!
16) Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always stuffed!
17) How do you scare a snowman? You get a hairdryer!
18) What's black and white and red all over? Santa covered with chimney soot.
19) How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side.
20) What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
21) Mary and Joseph – now they had a stable relationship.
22) What do you call an incomplete Christmas sentence? A Santa clause.
23) What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic.
24) What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
25) Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
26) What do you get if you cross Santa with a vampire? Frostbite.
27) What do you call a lobster who won’t share any of his Xmas presents? Shellfish.
28) What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues.
29) What’s a lion’s favourite carol? Jungle Bells.
30) How can you tell when Santa’s close by? You can sense his presents.
31) I’ve bought my kids a pack of batteries for Christmas with a note saying: ‘Toys not included’.
32) What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.
33) What’s a skunk’s favourite Christmas song? Jingle Smells.
34) What do you call a naughty child who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
35) What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!